Single Moms

Upon returning to the area that I grew up in, I have made a number of mental notes as a result of my people watching habit. As a missions degree holder, I'm naturally studying the population around me (though I believe all Bible-believing Christians should be amateur demographers).

Anyway one of those mental notes seems to be reoccurring lately, and it's not a pleasant one. Everywhere I go, I can't escape witnessing the unbelievable burden that is a single mom's. Late last night while I was in the checkout line at Meijer I saw a woman who couldn't have been older than thirty with a full shopping cart, a 7 year old son, and no one to help her. Stress was emanating from her frantic mannerisms as she struggled to get her grocery cart unloaded and reloaded. Meanwhile, her rambunctious son is not exactly waiting patiently. I think she hit him a couple times to keep him from messing with every doodad in sight, but I was trying hard not to stare. She looked like she was in enough of a rush already without someone else looking at her with folded arms. The look on the cashier's face said, "I'm glad I'm not you," and after an anxious exchange of words and money, she was on her way.

I remember feeling like I had to clean up a mess when it was my turn, but not a physical mess. More like an emotional one. This lady is probably experiencing pressure from all sides. I'm a childless 23 year old, but everything I know about parenting tells me that it is tough even when there are two of you. I cannot fathom how difficult it would be for a single mom to work enough hours to create a decent standard of living for her family, not to mention the endless list of little things she has to deal with: daycare, school functions, sickness, bad behavior. If the kid has an emotional disorder, I can imagine the stress increasing tenfold. She's probably long forgotten what it feels like to have a social life. When you have a kid to raise, your priorities eliminate the possibility of having steady friendships with adults. Imagine the loneliness. All the while, these kids of single parents have no idea how much their parents are suffering for them because mommy waits until they're asleep before crying in her pillow at night.

Now imagine this kid growing up only to break their parent's heart by repeating the same mistakes that shaped their own rocky childhood. Statistically, it's probably not a stretch to say that Meijer lady's son has a good chance of impregnating a young woman and leaving her because he's not ready to raise a child at 19. It's not that this new child's mother is ready...it just happens to be assumed that the woman will take over if the "man" [word used loosely] has a change of heart. I'm ashamed of my gender.

On my way out of Meijer, like after all of my other windows into the single mom world, I couldn't help but ask myself "where the hell is the father?" But I realize it would be wrong to start pointing a finger in blame. Chances are this guy's negligence is the product of more negligence. In the end, there are so many people to blame that you have to concentrate your anger on sin itself because when everyone is responsible, no one wants to be accountable. Not to mention that fact that I am only postured to judge humanity if I am sinless myself. No dice there.

The Andy of a year ago would have felt guilty after this experience because I didn't do anything to assist the woman in line, even though I could tell it might have embarrassed her more than it would help. Today, I've become aware of these times when I've been allowed to feel someone else's burden, and instead of thinking about myself, I simply lay it at God's feet in prayer and trust that He will work things out. It's not that I am opposed to helping. It's more like I'm opposed to do something for the sake of making myself feel better. This lady doesn't need someone to help her get the milk on a little moving belt. She needs a friend who can relate and cry with her...or a responsible husband. That's out of my power to provide, but what I can do is trust God on her behalf.

There are thousands of these Meijer ladies in NW Indiana alone, young and old. What will it take but a movement completely inspired by the Holy Spirit to fix this? I doubt any religion has any good ideas. I think they are more concerned with making this woman another notch on their belt...a routine she knows all too well.