Becoming Lonely to Breathe

Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime. (Dan 6:10)

Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. (Luke 5:15-16)

I use to think that prayer was a task to be done on a checklist. Now I'm seeing it is more like breathing.

When you can't breath, you struggle and fight for air. The body goes into panic mode.

When you get plenty of fresh oxygen, it's almost like a high. The body can relax and rest.

That makes me think about people with deviated septums and nasal cavity problems. For most of their lives, they experience all sorts of problems related to not being able to breathe properly, but until a doctor tells them what's happening, they don't know the source. What a relief it must be for those people to take in a full breath of unhindered air for the first time....Like finally finishing a tough race or catching that prize winning fish or making the last second three pointer to win the game.

I love how Jesus' prayers for miraculous events were so short. He didn't need to beg and plead with God. He didn't pretend to have influence with the Lord like so many are in the habit of doing. He really KNEW God, because he breathed his relationship with the Father.

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A Finger from a Different World

My formative years were shaped by a female, so I'm naturally more empathetic and intuitive than your average guy (it has its pros and cons). That said, I'm always experiencing situations, namely spiritual ones, from multiple perspectives. When I find myself in one of these, I ask myself "how would a nonbeliever respond to this?" or "how does this message affect people with different backgrounds?"

I do this so often that I regularly feel what I think others would feel (which is why I'm no longer comfortable in most churches). For awhile though, I've been aware that the way Pentecostal Christians talk is kind of off-putting. They use the word "feel" a lot, and they throw around the word "Spirit" like they actually know what it means. Apparently God speaks to them all the time too, but if you ask them for some kind of hard evidence they can't help you. Basically, their language is vague, but you get the idea that they are either crazy or hyper spiritual or both.

This is where most articles would start scolding Christians for using such language, but I'm going in a different direction.

Let's imagine a painting of Two Dimension Land (see figure A). In this painting are two, 2D people. I will call them "Turd" and "Dogface" because I have a juvenile sense of humor.

Let's also imagine that this is not just a painting, but a WINDOW into the land of two dimensions. This means that in 2D Land, Turd and Dogface are alive with the full abilities of speech and cognitive thought.

One day someone from our world decides to reach their finger through the window for a couple seconds, and as it occurred, only Turd was present witness the momentous event. Enter Dogface. How would Turd explain the experience to Dogface?

Dogface: What are you doing out here...were you eating grass again?
Turd: No. Did you just see that thing in the sky??
Dogface: What thing? Dude, there's grass clippings all over your face. Why do you do that? It's so weird.
Turd: I wasn't eating grass.. that thing! It kind of just appeared, it was like a bunch of circles that started getting bigger and then got smaller and disappeared.
Dogface: Circles? Like the sun and clouds?
Turd: No, they weren't separate from each other.
Dogface: Oh, so you saw ONE "circle" that got bigger and then smaller?
Turd: No, uhh...there were a lot of circles...but, they weren't really circles...and they weren't separate. ...My stomach hurts.


[Turd has never seen three dimensions before, so to him, it seemed to be a series of different sized circles that appeared and disappeared in front of one another. In 2D land, there is no word for "in front of" because everything is side by side. Thus, Turd knows that this explanation is not enough to fully capture every sense of what just happened. Dogface is very skeptical, but is willing to give Turd the benefit of the doubt, even though he apparently likes to eat dirt. Let's pick up where they left off.]

Dogface: Here's what I think happened. You finally ate the wrong kind of foliage, and now you are hallucinating.
Turd: Dogface, come on, I'm serious. It was almost like....a finger.
Dogface: What's the point...lol.
Turd: What?
Dogface: It's a joke. ...finger? point?
Turd: I don't get it.
Dogface: Oye.
Turd: Seriously, I think it was a finger.
Dogface: How do you know for sure? Fingers aren't even circular.
Turd: I know, but I don't know I just feel like I was looking at a finger from a different world or something.
Dogface: A finger from a different world??
Turd: Errrgghh I don't feel so good.
Dogface: This goes beyond hallucination. I think some of that grass seed has sprouted a crop of crazy blossoms in your brain.
Turd: I wasn't eating grass!!! I just like the taste of fresh dew!
Dogface: Well, seeing as how the neighbor's dog has marked his territory across this entire field, I'd say there is a good chance that you have a stomach full of "fresh doo" right now.
Turd: What does Mr. Woofners have to do with me enjoying dew?
Dogface: *sigh*
Turd: errrrgg! Call a doct... [pukes]

So we leave the scene with Dogface still not convinced and a sickly Turd who has witnessed something beyond his ability to explain.

Doodoo humor aside, herein lies the problem of Christians talking about their relationship with God. Even the word "relationship" does not fully describe the interaction between deity and creation, but like Turd, we have to use what we know to describe the indescribable. We live in the 3rd dimension, and God who is outside of our 3D constraints has reached into this world and revealed some of who He is (some of which has been recorded by the Bible). Those who have been drawn to Him have witnessed divine intervention, and are left with the odd task of explaining it to others. So naturally we will develop a vocabulary that is all our own just so we can know what one another is talking about.

Can I, Andy Christopher, even explain what a spirit is? Here's what that conversation might look like:

Guy: Where did you go to college?
Me: Central Bible College
Guy: A Bible College? Do you want to be a preacher?
Me: No.
Guy: Then why did you go there?
Me: I don't know. I just felt like the Holy Spirit led me there.
Guy: I have to be honest, I'm not really religious.
Me: I'm not either.
Guy: Whatever. What is a "spirit"?
Me: Well, it's not flesh and blood...it's not human..
Guy: Then what is it??
Me: I guess it's like a ghost.
Guy: Like a scary transparent sheet with eye holes that moans?
Me: uhhh...let's start over. The Holy Spirit is God.
Guy: What's God?
Me: He's a person, but not a person. ...He's like a father.
Guy: My father abandoned me.
Me: Eeep.

Most of the time I avoid this conversation because I know that it will end with me looking like a nut job. You may see some familiar elements in that conversation that you have been apart of. It makes total sense that it is hard to describe an experience with God to a nonbeliever. If we could fully describe God to anyone, then He wouldn't be God.

Coming to terms with this fact turns typical American evangelism on its head because once you abandon the notion that all we need to do is learn slick sales skills and have a good strategy, you are free to work WITH God rather than FOR Him. I don't think the Church needs more slick and cool people who can manipulate conversations to make themselves look holy or learned. That just angers people and pushes them away. The Church needs people who are truly connected to God so they can be available to be used in any way and at a moment's notice. When a thousand debates and conversations may fail, it might be something as simple as paying for the taco bell for the car behind you at the drive through that changes that guy's life forever. God knows how to lead people to Him. Stop thinking you know more or care more than He does, and seek His face.

Guy: God has a face?
Me: Shut up.

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Don't Pounce on the Plunder

¹⁷ Samuel said, "Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel. ¹⁸ And he sent you on a mission, saying, 'Go and completely destroy those wicked people, the Amalekites; make war on them until you have wiped them out.' ¹⁹ Why did you not obey the LORD? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the LORD ?"(1 Sam 15:17-19)

I'm amazed at how possible it is for someone with humble roots to rise and fall so easily. They were once nothing. Why didn't they remember where they came from, much less who lifted them up?

After finding out that he would be the first king of God's people, Saul was afraid. So afraid that he hid in some baggage at his own inauguration. In fact, he hid so well that God had to call him out in front of all his friends. (How embarrassing). Verse 17 above proves that he didn't even believe in himself before the new duties set in. Yet, now he is in hot water with God because of his pride. This tells us something about the nature of being promoted.

It's dangerous.

Being promoted can take a self-depreciating nobody and make him into a boldfaced backslider. I spend so much of my energy wanting to "be somebody" that I forget the years a person has in complete anonymity are PRICELESS. When lifted up to a position of note, it is so easy to start believing lies about yourself. All of the sudden, when you once never dared to take the seat of honor, you now expect nothing less than complete servitude by all those who dare to darken your door. The title has taken away your fear. All of it. Even your fear of the Lord.

Jesus used his years of anonymity to reject these lies and develop the kind of character (through the Spirit) that would not allow pride to slither in when the pressure started to rise. It would have been impossibly hard for an untested version of Jesus to resist showing off his healing power to a crowd seeking someone to amuse them with tricks. Instead, Jesus knew when to do what in order for God to receive the most glory. His fame was never for his own glory except when that glory belonged to the Father as well. Why else would he pass up opportunities to "pounce on the plunder" and wow the people with wizardry?

Saul did not do this, and he fell. Hard. On a sword.

You have to remember to ignore people when they tell you that you are something all by yourself. You are nothing all by yourself. Tell them thanks, but add "..for nothing" in your mind. Their praise is poison. You have been given something to steward. Guard it well, and stay on God's side. Even if people call you crazy. Or a drunkard. Or a glutton.

So I guess I have to ask myself: what plunder am I pouncing on right now? If I can't resist temptation now, I will not be able to resist it when people are counting on my spiritual strength.

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I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

One of the benefits of living in the desert is you can really get face to face with who you really are. Around people, we wear masks and compare ourselves to one another to determine our worth, but when there's no one else around, none of that really matters. All that matters is "do I have it in me to take the next step or will I give up."

When Jesus was led into the desert, he was tempted. Only after he realized that those temptations did not compare with His desire to complete a mission was He released to start his ministry.

It has occurred to me lately how much worldly success still has a hold on me. People can sing all the songs they want about abandoning everything of value to follow Jesus, but that doesn't mean they'll actually do that if they came to such a crossroad. (I'm so sick of worship songs, I'll probably never enjoy one again.) If I'm completely honest with myself, I'll admit that much of my past has been driven by a carnal desire to be better than everyone else at different things. I don't like to BRAG, but I'm not happy if I don't have bragging RIGHTS.

It would crush me if I found out that my life will be nothing but a series of seemingly mediocre experiences that can't easily be seen as influential or effective towards some kind of world change. That fact reveals the truth that I still reserve a small portion of my worship for the idol of worldly success (the second temptation of Jesus in Luke 4:5).

It's okay to want to be glorified by God, because his way of doing so is always just and right (read C.S. Lewis's the Weight of Glory). It's not okay to feel the same way about receiving glory from people. That's encroaching on God's territory, and He doesn't like that... especially when we know better.

Some people don't know better. I was at this urban clothing store in Schaumburg, IL where I was thumbing through an interesting book titled "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell." It's a book of supposedly true stories all involving Tucker Max, a self-described womanizing asshole-drunk. The one story I read most of before leaving the store was about his trip to a strip club where the employees allow patrons to "try out the merchandise." The story came to a climax when he haggled a stripper/prostitute down to 5 dollars from 300.

It's easy for the self-righteous to point fingers at this guy in disgust and say "what an idiot," but truth be told, this guy is a king and a genius in the world of agnosticism. It makes absolutely no sense to have an inch of moral fiber if humanity is a product of a series of uncaused causes. I would probably aspire to be something like this guy if I had no prior revelation of who God is. Why not ...if we're all going to be dust in a thousand years? F the world, and do what you want. Survival of the fittest. I have an awareness of God, though, so my feelings for this guy aren't disgust or hatred...more like pity.

Tucker Max is a king on this earth. He does whatever he wants and then writes books about his life, thereby fueling the likelihood of more escapades that will shock the culture and build his kingdom. He probably won't make it past thirty-eight, but if there is no God, he is the smartest person alive. In a world where souls don't exist, only an idiot would refuse to sell one to the highest bidder.

Yet, there is a God, so what would seem to be the wisest thing to do in the world's eyes is complete foolishness to God.

(1 Cor. 1:25) For God's nonsense is wiser than human wisdom, and God's weakness is stronger than human strength.

Unfortunately, Tucker doesn't know this or doesn't WANT to know this (probably both). The very title of the book proves the fact that he knows nothing of hell. Hint: they don't serve anything there.

I, however, DO know. So how much more should I be willing to live a visually mediocre life if I knew that is what God wants of me? He may not want me to, but I should be jumping at the chance to live an "unsuccessful life" for Jesus if that's what He has for me. Yet temptation often drags me back to ungodly despair when I think of such a destiny. My prayer is that the next events in my life will be guided by the Spirit to brand this teaching of Jesus on my heart:

(Mark 8:36) "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"

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No Vision

This is exactly where I am right now:

When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.

Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17 .

(http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/my-utmost-for-his-highest/03/06/devotion.aspx?year=2009)

So many times when we think the time is useless because nothing seems to be happening when actually those moments are just as important as the steps we take on the mountaintop. Real faith grows when we face drudgery and keep on walking.

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Waiting as Worship

(Isa. 40:28-31) Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

(Isa. 64:4) From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides thee, who works for those who wait for him.

God acts on the behalf of those who wait for Him. I remember how a minister of God who read these verses on waiting on God said, "Lord I want to learn to wait upon you." So every night from about 12 onwards right up to one, he consecrated one hour just to wait on God. He would enter his prayer closet and kneel before Him saying, "Lord I wait for you." Many months passed and after many, many months one day he came to God and he said, "Lord this is the last night that I am waiting on you." And towards the end of his waiting he felt the presence of the Lord standing behind him. He did not dare to look around. He wondered what to say, what to do. Before he could say anything he felt the Lord putting His hand on his shoulder. And he felt that the hand was wet. He said, "Lord why is your hand wet?" The Lord said, "I am weeping because many of my people did not wait for Me. They always rush ahead of Me. They always do things by themselves. And my people did not wait for Me." When he heard that he started crying and he started weeping. And that experience changed his whole life.

(Taken from http://www.eaglevision.com.my/wg2reasons.htm)

Whether the story is true or not, the message is profoundly true. Waiting is not popular among God's people. We are NOW people. We want to jump into the action NOW. We want results NOW. We think God is not with us unless there is something happening NOW. Of course we do. Hey, that's a lot better than not caring at all. But is it the best way to go about utilizing our passion?

The link above gives three reasons why we should wait on God. The first one stood out because it challenged me. It says "we should wait on God to show Him that we love Him."

How do I show people I love them? I do things for them. I write things or build things for them. I clean their stuff or fix something or give them advice. So naturally that's what I want to do for God. I want to help him in His mission to bless the entire world by bringing them back into relationship with Him. I want to do something for God.

Yet I forget that this God is no man that he would need anything from me. He created me, so anything I can do for him is as common as air. I am officially of no use to God, except when I get the chance to work WITH him. And how do you work WITH God? You wait on God. Sometimes for hours. Sometimes for months. Sometimes for years or decades. But you wait on His Spirit or you will be doing it alone.

I'm starting to get that how long I am willing to wait on God is a good measure of how much I love Him. Do I REALLY love God? Of course. But what if I lose my job. Will I still love him? Will I have the patience to wait for Him? What if my life's plan get flushed down the toilet. Will I still wait for Him? Do I still love Him enough not to leave his presence to find my place in this world alone? What if I have to live with my parents for a few years? Do I have the patience to love God?

I have to realize that I am in a season of waiting. There are no strong signs or feelings in my spirit that I should be doing anything but what I already know is right. The new information comes later. Wait.

But God, there's so much I could be doing for you...

Wait.

But God, everyone else knows what they are supposed to do. Why not me...

Wait.

But God, I'm only young once. Aren't I wasting my best years doing nothing...

Wait.

But God, the lost the lost the lost...

Wait.

God loves people a lot more than I do. I think he knows how to accomplish His mission. I could not upset those plans if I wanted to, so how should I be feeling so useless when God puts me on the bench?

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